What area have you chosen to be a focus of growth and development? Why?
What are some specific exercises or activities that you can implement to foster
greater wellness in this area?
After completing the Integral Assessment I realized there a couple areas of
my life that need fine-tuning. There are
two specific areas I need to focus for growth and development to include Psychospiritual
Flourishing and Interpersonal Flourishing.
I am a perfectionist in many facets of my life, to the point where it
causes unneeded stress and at times can cause strain to my personal and social
relationships. I like everything in my
life to be neat, clean, organized and in perfect order or I feel “out of sorts”,
if you will. My father taught me at a
young age to live your life by the Golden Rule “Do to others as
you would have them do to you.” Though I am spiritual and overall kind-hearted to
everyone I know, meet and love, there are times when I
will place my selfish wants and feelings ahead of others. This is not something I am proud of or is
ego-driven, but more because of certain phobias I tend to carry with me. For example, I may not go to a certain
restaurant my husband may want to go because I feel it is dirty. I may not stay at a hotel because in my mind I
feel there are certain hotels that I am only comfortable staying out of fear of
a dirty room (when in reality they are all dirty). If there is a chore that needs to be done
around the house, I would rather do it myself because I feel I can do it better
or the way I prefer it. Additionally, I
may get upset with my mom if she spills something or makes a mess cooking. Though the people who love and care for me
most know my idiosyncrasies, there are times it can aggravate them and add
stress to my life. These are areas I
have struggled with most of my life and through my studies and health and
wellness background I am finally recognizing and realizing how detrimental they
can be.
As an aside, my poor
husband and mother are left to do nothing around the house because I will end
up doing it over! My mom wanted me to
include this in my blog.
Some specific exercises
I have incorporated in my life to foster greater wellness is meditation and
prayer. Through daily prayer I ask the
Lord to take this struggle away from me.
Honestly, I sometimes feel my phobia and OCD behavior tends to wear on
me and takes away from my overall health and wellness. Over the past few months I have also incorporated
meditation into my daily prescription and it has worked wonders. Though, I must admit, I have far more room
for improvement in this area. Moreover, I
feel reframing and looking at things through a different perspective can help
ease me and make me realize the importance of these feelings in my life.
I just happened to find the perfect picture for me!! :)
-Angela
Hi Angela,
ReplyDeleteThe comment your mom wanted you to add is pretty funny!
My sister came to visit me one summer over 20 years ago and I was irritated with her because she did not fold the kitchen towel correctly! It took her ten years to come back to visit! About 8 years ago one of my friends came to visit and commented about how stressed I was over little things. She opened my eyes and made me realize I needed to "let the little things go" and enjoy life. I was always rushing to do something unimportant (clean, make a bed, wash dishes, etc.) instead of enjoying my time with her. I am thankful she could be so honest with me. After about a year she commented on how relaxed I had become. It is easier to let things go than it used to be, but sometimes it still takes conscious effort.
Cynthia
Hi Angela-
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog posts- you are so insightful and honest in them. You don't try to make it sound better you just admit you are OCD and like to do things yourself- your way! It took me forever to realize it, but I now know that when I used to teach pre-k even though I was the head teacher and had several teachers under me, I still did all the work and preparation for lessons, crafts and songs etc MYSELF!! If I did let one of the others do anything, I just hated and fretted about the way it looked! It's amazing that I actually let the kids do things their own way. I am fine with them, it's just adults that I had issues with. It wasn't until I had a team teacher who was as OCD as I was that I let anyone do anything willingly!
Being on my own for most of 15 years now has made me worse in a way. I bought this house myself, and no one has lived here ever and very few have spent a night here. I can't imagine sharing it with ANYONE except GOD who is here wiht me all the time.
However, I don't want this OCD thing I have going on here with my house to ruin any chance I may possibly have at love. While I am happy as my life is, you never know what the future will bring.
In other areas I have loosened up. At work, I am able to willingly teach assistants how to run the department, and I have taught people to knit and sew and am fine with that. It is too much of a burden to do it all.
As long as you don't let the spiders help you pack for your upcoming move to NJ you will be fine :)
susan
Angela,
ReplyDeleteMy husband is the same way when it comes to cleanliness and chores. Even when people come to visit he is always trying to organize their stuff and gets anxious when they leave messes. I have tried to explain that you cannot control everyone around you so he should not let it bother him so much but it does anyway. When he gets stressed and upset you are correct it effects everyone else in the household. I am a fixer so I always try to fix the problems of everyone around me so my stress level rises greatly. I am able to let things like messes and chores go without bothering me but I have a problem with the anxiety and depression. We all have our little things and it is nice that we are learning how to identify them and that we are able to make a conscious effort to change them if we choose to. I think that this conscious choice is what makes being a human so incredible.
Jody
Hi Angela,
ReplyDeleteLearning to let go and let others help can actually be traumatic for some people. I have a niece that has temper tantrums when she is at the house with us when things get out of her control. My sister freaks that I handle it so well. But I love my niece and I know that in time it will be overcome, she has been working on this for sometime now and has come a long way. It is admirable Angela, that you can understand where you stand with this. I hope that all is well.
Cyndie
Angela,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I love the photo of the shirt. I shared it with a friend and she thought it was hilarious because it describes me so well. Having OCD tendencies can be really difficult on the relationships with those around you. I often struggle with the cleaning because I feel that no one else can do it right. It is a huge challenge. I am glad to hear that meditation has been helping to calm the tendencies and give you more clarity. Hope you have a great week!
Ashley
Hi Angela this story sound so familiar I started laughing when I remember mi sister running behind us with the map she clean the house 3 to four times a day, and stopping everyone at the door people never like coming to our house because she would sweep them out the house, and my husband is the same way. good times I will see her tomorrow after 17 years I wander what change.
ReplyDeleteAngela,
ReplyDeleteYou and I are the same in many ways! I am also someone who has to have a clean, organized environment or I feel like I'm losing it! My boyfriend tells me the same thing, nothing he ever does around the house is good enough because I will just go and clean it "my way." And I don't think you're selfish for avoiding certain restaurants or hotels, it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with. I love the t-shirt you posted, that is hilarious! I enjoyed reading your blog, thanks for sharing!
Beth Bjorkgren
Hi Angela!
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog, I laughed primarily because it felt like I was readinga about myself. Though I have mellowed tremendously over the years primarily out of necessity ( a husband and five kids sort of force it), but your post made me think of the running joke a friend and I with similiar issues have - we are both a part of CFA - Control Freaks Anonymous;lol.
I think your plan of attack is great and more than anything I think it is awesome that you are now recognizing how the OCD is effecting others.
Praying for continued progress
Tammy :)
Hi Angela,
ReplyDeleteI know all to well about wanting to do things yourself because of fearing that it will not get done the right way, I do this all the time at work and I did it before in culinary school during group projects. I tend to do all the work and not worry because I know that it was done correctly. I soon realized that by not deligating projects, I was burning myself out and not making my timeline. So I began training people on how I wanted it done and now I accept the help and still have a product im proud of. Loved the Shirt by the way.
Jr